i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
