I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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