My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize