The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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