Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
