Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
