There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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