It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
