I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
