she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
