Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
