we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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