You can't motorboat a personality
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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