Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
