fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize