Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
