I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
