My sheets look like a crime scene.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
