I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
not ubering you a puppy
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
