Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
