Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
