Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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