Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She announced her abortion via fbk
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
