I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
