I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
