I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
