Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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