dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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