my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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