Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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