cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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