Define "chronic" masturbator.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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