I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
