There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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