Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
