Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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