i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
