just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
