Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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