She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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