Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
