i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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