I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
