She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
