Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
