remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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