better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
