For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
