There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
