Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
