Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
