god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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