Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize