i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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