I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
