I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
