I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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