dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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