This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
