So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
