it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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