dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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