No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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