the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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