Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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