dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
