Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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