You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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