I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize