Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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