Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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