Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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