what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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