im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Will exercising make me less horny?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
