oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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