I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
