the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Is Oprah even human
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
