Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
